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Bleh, coming off these meds and feeling so sleepy and sore all the time has made me gain like five extra pounds I gotta get rid of…but since I can’t work out right now it basically just means sleeping a lot while hungry, which is more a recipe for losing muscle mass than fat…
Very frustrating. Can’t wait until my body chemistry goes back to something I can deal with.
I still itch really badly and I still have muscle soreness in places I shouldn’t, but I think that most of the effects of withdrawal are over. I think that by Saturday I should be back to…oh, hell, I don’t know, 90% or so.
starwhal replied to your post “I keep waiting for my dusty Vita to become a good investment, but…”
tbh I want the vita for Dangan Ronpa but I’m too cheap to buy a new system for one game
I don’t understand Dangan Ronpa enough to have an opinion on it, but I agree that it’s probably unwise to buy a Vita for a single game. Then again, I bought it for no games.
I keep waiting for my dusty Vita to become a good investment, but every news story I read about it just makes me regret owning one even more. I preordered the damned thing. Got it on release day. I’ve bought two games for it since then: Persona 4 Golden, over a year later, and Soul Sacrifice. I sincerely hated both games. The writing is interesting. The plots seem cool. That’s why I bought them. But the gameplay is just…Persona 4’s gameplay is so plodding and slow and I have to use a guide to do literally anything because of how the calendar works. I’m terrified to speak to anybody for fear of permanently missing out on something. I know I’m supposed to play through the game multiple times to see everything, but I fucking hate games like that. Look, I get it. Games are not like movies or books. You can write your own story and see your own ending. But when the endings to a game are bad, good, and best, I want to see the fucking best one, okay? I don’t want to fumble my way through and have the game sadly shake its head at me and tell me that I got the bad ending because I didn’t know about the things that I needed to do to get the best one, so now I need to start it all over and grab a guide this time. I’ll just grab a guide from the start, thanks.
Meanwhile, Soul Sacrifice is so fucking obtuse and difficult to understand how to get anything and so hard to play that I can’t get anywhere in it. Like, I genuinely do not understand how to make my character move in the ways that I want him to. He just lurches and rolls and lunges and spends seconds at a time recovering after absolutely everything. I can’t aim at the enemies I want to attack, and I can barely even see what the hell is going on with all the weird morphing and blobby characters and muddy textures that are all the same color. I don’t have any idea what spells I should use against any enemies and I don’t have any idea how to get any of those spells, so for the few hours I played it I was just replaying early stages endlessly trying to figure out what the hell was going on or refill my ammo because, fuck, I just ran out of literally everything. It makes me feel genuinely sick every time I see people praising it or Soul Sacrifice Delta because I know that there’s some barrier to entry that I can’t seem to push through and it makes me feel like a failure as a gamer. I even tried looking up guides for Soul Sacrifice to find explicit instructions on what to use and came up empty; everybody seems to just be able to figure this shit out for themselves, and I’m the moron. It’s the same reason I only played Monster Hunter for a few days. It’s so grind-heavy and so built upon the idea that I’m supposed to just…figure it out on my own with enough practice. Hell, it’s the same reason I quit Dark Souls after only a few days. There is no satisfaction to me in “conquering” a difficult challenge that was blatantly unfair from the start and required me to memorize everything and construct an elaborate dance routine to get through it. That’s also why I came to hate Mega Man games, come to think of it.
The only games on Vita that look good are cross-play titles that I can just as easily play on my TV, which is, frankly, how I’d rather play them in that case. I mean, I can either sit back and play Thomas Was Alone on a tiny handheld or on my TV, and there are no advantages to playing it on a handheld. Games like Dragon’s Crown or Final Fantasy X/X-2 wind up so tiny and difficult to see that it defeats the fun and/or novelty of playing on a handheld.
I dunno. It doesn’t matter. I should just get rid of the fucking thing.
Speaking of which, I’ve been trying to play Final Fantasy X/X-2 on my PS3, and it’s such a huge pain in my ass. I don’t remember it being this bad ten years ago, but I guess it’s likely that I just had so much more free time that it didn’t bother me. But now I’m just annoyed as hell every time I have to open up the sphere grid and, one character at a time, move forward one or two nodes, activate something, and slide over to the next person to carefully evaluate my options. I went with the expert sphere grid and I really regret it. I think that it’s too advanced for me, which is a shame, because I played through it normally about half a dozen times when I was younger. No joke! So I thought for sure that the expert sphere grid would really open up some new possibilities, but so far all it seems to do is offer me the exact same list of skills in the exact same order as before, just, now I can sacrifice Wakka’s normal skill progression to have him suddenly jump over to Lulu’s and I don’t see any advantage to doing that. And their stats are so screwed up now.
I haven’t gotten Rikku in the party yet; I’m still pretty early in the game. I just hit the first of Rin’s travel agencies on the Mi’hen highroad. Auron has over 1800 HP and Tidus has under 600. That…doesn’t seem right. Maybe I just forgot how lopsided everybody was. I don’t know. But Tidus is also consistently doing about 33% more damage than Wakka, and Kimahri is just leveling up more slowly than everybody, which makes no sense to me. Like, I stuck him behind Wakka on the sphere grid because he has more MP and so he can use those Dark Attacks and Silence Attacks more often, you know? But Wakka is slowly pulling ahead of him even though I’m very carefully and deliberately making sure that everybody is participating in every single fight. Once I do get Rikku in the party, I’m going to have to make Rikku, Auron, and Kimahri gain like twenty fucking levels to even start to catch up with everyone else, I think. And then Rikku will have to gain like twenty more.
The thing is, a lot of my memories of the game are from the end-game, when you just gather up Celestial Weapons and ultimate Aeons and spend hundreds of thousands of gil on Clear Spheres to completely rewrite the sphere grid in its entirety and replace everything with maxed-out nodes to max out character stats and just wallop enemies for 99,999 damage a pop.
I doubt I’ll ever get that far, though. I doubt I’ll even finish it. I haven’t finished a game in close to a year, now. I think that the last game I beat was Infamous 2, sometime last summer? I forget.
I’ve become such an unhappy old man now that I’m 30. The games that used to make me happy no longer do, nothing new manages it, and nothing coming up looks good, either. I feel like the fault absolutely must lie with me, and I don’t know what I can do about it.
Okay…I’m gonna stop taking Viibryd. I feel extremely sick today. My stomach is rolling around in pain like I have an ulcer and like I’m going to throw up at the same time. The closest thing I can think of to describe it is that it’s like downing a large glass of whiskey* on an empty stomach.
Apparently another side effect of Viibryd is muscle soreness, which explains why my arms and legs feel like I’ve been hauling bricks all day. Last week I felt a little bit of stomach pain in the mornings, and this whole week I’ve just felt fatigued and nauseous, and I can’t think of anything else it could be than my new medication.
Unfortunately, there are apparently withdrawal symptoms, so this is going to suck. All I can say is that I hope that the withdrawal is less intense than actually being on the stuff. I’m going to try taking a half-dose again for the next week and see if that helps. I dunno. We’ll see. I’ve seen a lot of really nightmarish stories online about Viibryd withdrawal, though, so maybe it’s best that I’m deciding to quit it going into a weekend.
It’s a shame, because it has boosted my mood. It’s just also literally hurting my body, and that’s not a tradeoff I want to accept right now.
I quit taking Effexor cold turkey once, around seven years ago, and holy God was that an awful experience. I spent over a week experiencing what are called “brain zaps,” which are basically what they sound like, though for some reason, for me, it happened every time I moved my eyes too quickly. I’d just suddenly get a jolt of pain in my head.
Well. It was worth a shot, heh. I’m sure I’ll be okay before too long. I’m tough!
*When I had a drinking problem, my spirit of choice was 110 proof Smirnoff vodka, but that’s harder to pound a large glass of whiskey and will just plain light your gut on fire if you do.
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